Teresa of Avila in the book of her Life writes in chapter eleven how: “Love of God does not consist in tears or delight and tenderness…but in serving with justice and fortitude of soul and in humility.” For those of us commencing the life of prayer, oftentimes we are buoyed up on enthusiasm, passion and feelings of happiness, but at a certain point those feelings and sensations dissipate. They can even be replaced by lethargy or a reluctance to pray, boredom, weariness.

Here, Teresa teaches us that these feelings are, in one sense, irrelevant. Our spiritual lives, our relationship with God, is not measure by our feelings (or lack thereof) but by that spirit of service. That means still showing up for our prayers regardless of whether I feel as though I want to or not. Frequently receiving the Sacraments no matter whether I ‘enjoy’ the Mass or not, no matter whether I ‘like’ the parish God has given me. But also, in times of consolation, when all feels right with God and I and I am full of passion and enthusiasm, not placing too much emphasis on this. Accept the gift gratefully, but remember those moments are not the full measure of my relationship with God.

Too often we end up staying at the level of feelings in our life of faith, but that is really no life of faith at all. Yes, one ought to never deny or repress one’s feelings, they are a gift from God to us after all, but we can fall into the trap of wanting to just always take without ever really giving. One of the greatest signs of a maturing life of faith is persisting in prayer even amidst feelings of desolation and dryness. Here one can truly exercise love of God as prayer is no longer me trying to get something out of it for my own ends, but truly for the love of God as it is no longer about mere self-satisfaction.

So let us ask for Teresa’s intercession that we may have her ‘determined determination’ of which she speaks to carry on our journey. As she writes, “many who begin, never reach the end,” for “thinking they are doing nothing they become afflicted…but it is then their will is being strengthened and fortified.”

In the midst of dryness, a sense of nothingness, failure and disappointment, let us fix our eyes on the Cross of Christ and continue on our way, recognising that our life of faith is more than our life of feelings, and that the promise of God still holds in troubles and afflictions.