I started my initial Carmelite formation in 2021, shortly after being received into the Third Order of Carmel. I view this formation as a stage in a larger Carmelite journey. It is hard to determine exactly when this journey began. Growing up in 1970’s Ireland I met several females named Carmel. I had a vague awareness of some nuns known as Carmelite, but I had no curiosity about how they got this name. I had heard the term ‘Whitefriars’, but did not know what this term meant. About twenty years ago I sought some quiet, and found it for a few nights at a small Carmelite retreat house in Preston. The following year I visited Oxford and decided to stay at Boar’s Hill Carmelite Priory, rather than a local B&B or hotel. Around 2014, I was working in London and attended the ‘Carmel in the City’ spirituality group there for several months. I enjoyed this experience, but viewed it more as one component in a much wider spiritual search. It is remarkable how many things we can take in our stride without attributing any particular significance to them. However, all the above served as half-hidden signposts along the way.
At the beginning of 2020, I stayed for three nights in Mount St Bernard’s Abbey, a Trappist monastery in Leicestershire. The prolonged deep silence I experienced there moved me greatly, and I was left with a ‘contemplative itch’. We went into Covid lockdown the following week, which I found tough as I was then working as a care worker with the elderly, as well as completing an online Master’s course. I began to wonder how I could incorporate a contemplative spirit into my busy life. I looked into the possibility of becoming a monastic oblate, but all the monasteries were in lockdown. Then, I thought: ‘didn’t those Carmelites talk about contemplation?’ I made initial enquiries with the Third Order of Carmel. Our local group secretary was extremely helpful during my discernment period. I was concerned, though, that I would miss group meetings because my job obliged me to work weekends. This fear was allayed through the order having provisions for people who can’t attend meetings to become ‘distant members.’ Distant members keep in touch through Zoom, or by telephone, and, of course, are still free, and encouraged, to contribute to their nearest local area group when able to do so. This, for me, was a unique selling point.
After I commenced my initial formation, I would speak on the phone with my formator monthly. The ‘Rule of St Albert’ acts as a kind of roadmap for all Carmelites, but the Third Order additionally uses a formation manual entitled ‘Climbing the Mountain; The Carmelite Journey’. This well-illustrated book deals with many aspects of Carmelite life, and it makes a surprisingly enjoyable read. My formator would go through one of the book’s chapters each time we spoke on the phone. She was wise enough to let me reflect for myself on how each topic affected me. I found it most useful to look at them though the lenses of prayer, community and service to others. Foremost, I perceived that all three elements were infused with the spirit of contemplation. But after that, I wanted to understand how each of these elements related individually to my life.
I was surprised to realise that prayer played such a small part in my life, apart from in the context of church services. I read plenty of books on spirituality, and had tried meditation, but never had what could be deemed a private prayer life. I perceived myself as religious, but had not considered that prayer might be so central to faith in general. Since then, I have experimented with many types of prayer and contemplation, and have settled on what works best for me. I find it reassuring that Carmelites contend a contemplative attitude affects the quality of all else that we do.
One of the things that attracted to the Carmelite Order was its eremitical beginnings. I love the story of the original hermits, a ragtag of laymen, gathering on Mount Carmel to try to live simple and holy lives. I view the distant membership of the Third Order as recapturing some of that spirit, through allowing members to simultaneously preserve their autonomy and be part of a community. This is especially important in times when people cannot physically come together, and this section of our order seems to be expanding. I was extremely impressed that the Third Order could facilitate both my discernment and initial formation during Covid lockdown. The Carmelite orders are very egalitarian in their recognition and encouragement of all their members, whether they be friars, nuns, sisters, lay people or hermits. It is regrettable that there are two separate orders, but positive that these are growing closer together. I believe this rapprochement is aided by the mutual recognition of all the saints and mystics of both branches, who serve as role models for our shared spirituality. These include St Albert of Jerusalem, St Peter Thomas, St Albert Trapani, St Andrew Corsini, St Simon Stock, Bl John Soreth, St Teresa of Avila, St Mary Magdalen De’Pazzi, St Thérèse of Lisieux, St Titus Brandsma and St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross (Edith Stein). I was especially inspired by the humble lives of John of St Samson and Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection. These role-models can help us make sense of our charism, and show us how to live it in better ways.
In the final part of my initial formation, I wanted to reflect on how trying to embrace a contemplative lifestyle had impacted on my ability to be of service to others. When I first became familiar with the Carmelite emphasis on silence and solitude, I decided to try to incorporate those values into my own life through focusing less on outward distractions and spending a short time daily in quite prayer and contemplation. I tried to use this contemplative approach to make more time to listen to others. This has been especially helpful in my present work as a mental health support worker. I also felt that I needed to do more to be of service to others outside the workplace, so I got more actively involved in my parish. This included training to be an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion in order to take Communion to the sick and housebound. In retrospect, making this extra effort may not have been as productive as I hoped. Making ourselves busier may actually undermine the quality of our service to others. Adopting a contemplative attitude, on the other hand, should help foster a healthy balance in our relationships with God and others.
Periodic stays at Aylesford Priory in Kent enhanced my Carmelite experience. Aylesford Priory, established in the mid-thirteenth century, was the first Carmelite foundation in the British Isles. It was lost to the order during the Dissolution of the Monasteries, but was bought back by them in the mid-Twentieth Century. Today, it comprises an eclectic mix of medieval and modern buildings standing on several acres of land. There is a shrine, five chapels, dozens of guest rooms, a café, a bookshop, a peace garden, a rosary pathway, a food hall, a duck pond, a professional pottery established by the ceramicist David Leach, a conference hall and a library. The small community of friars onsite provides service to others through hospitality and prayer. Guests comprise a comfortable mix of pilgrims, retreatants, tourists and people on courses. My wife and I have stayed there four times in total, and have found it a refreshing escape from our otherwise busy lives. My wife, who has suffered from persistent ill-health since Covid, finds this environment recuperative. Furthermore, seeing the Carmelite charism in action here has helped her understand my attraction to it. The inspiring artwork by the mid-twentieth century Polish artist, Adam Kossowski, which is littered throughout the site, serves the evangelistic purpose of illustrating Carmelite spirituality for others. Having everything in one place means that we don’t need to ‘go anywhere’ when we stay there. I can attend morning and evening prayer, and Mass, daily without abandoning my wife for too long if she does not want to go. She can spend time feeding the ducks, or reading, while I am doing this. I have felt greatly energised by all our stays there, and I am unsure if I would have stayed the course of my formation without access to this resource, or without the support of my understanding formator.
I would like to finish this account of my Lay Carmelite formation by looking at the role of pilgrimage in my spiritual development. I was unimpressed by the narrowness of the Catholicism I grew up with in Ireland, and I became very hostile towards it for many years. I returned to Catholicism when I was in my early thirties, after reading Thomas Merton, and developing a deeper understanding of what faith entailed. Making small pilgrimages to cathedrals, and other religious sites, helped me reconnect with my Catholicism. I visited the Holy Land several times in the 1990’s and early 2000’s. I especially loved Jerusalem, and the vibrancy generated by its mix of faiths. After meeting my wife in 2007, I visited many Orthodox churches and monasteries in Bulgaria where she comes from. I always promised her that we would travel together to the Holy Land. Additionally, I now wanted to see Mount Carmel where our order began, and to explore its connection with the biblical prophet Elijah. My timing could not have been worse though, as I booked this trip for November 2023. After the terrorist attack on Southern Israel on 7th October, 2023, and the ensuing retaliatory onslaught on the Gaza Strip, travel to this area became impossible. We made a quick decision to travel to Rome instead.
I had been to Rome before, but it had not made much of an impression on me; I suppose it helped this time to have someone to share the experience with. We saw much in five days, including St Peter’s Basilica and Square, the Vatican Museum, the ancient ruins, the Jewish Quarter and Trastevere. We enjoyed people-watching around the Vatican, where we observed a diverse range of pilgrims, even Tibetan Buddhist monks. Many people on the streets looked impoverished though, especially some migrants. There was a soup kitchen for the homeless in Vatican, and a bronze sculpture to commemorate the plight of the ‘boat people’ in St Peter’s Square. I felt these were fitting for a ‘church of the poor’.
We greatly enjoyed our trip to Rome. Of course, I was disappointed that I couldn’t make my specifically Carmelite pilgrimage to Mount Carmel, but I was more perturbed by the ferocity of the violence in that area. Besides, there were plenty of locations in Rome with Carmelite connections. For me, the highlight of the visit was seeing the shrine of the Seventeenth Century Carmelite, Blessed Angelo Paoli, whose dedication to the poor in Rome was grounded in deep prayer. The man who Romans referred to as ‘Father Charity’ is interred in the Church of San Martino ai Monti, in the area near the Colosseum where he served. It was reassuring to see that the Carmelite Order was still active in this neighbourhood several hundred years later. We also found great peace in the cool interior of the church of Santa Maria Del Carmelo in Traspontina near the Vatican. Here, I lit a candle for a deceased cousin who had previously wanted to visit Rome with me, but who died before having a chance to do so.
Making a pilgrimage can remind us that we are not always in control of our own destinies, as the original hermits who left Mount Carmel, never to return, were not in control of theirs. It did not matter that I never made it to Mount Carmel. There was enough inspiration in Rome to bolster my faith, and to serve as a culmination of my Lay Carmelite formation.
