Mariam (St Mary of Jesus Crucified) has been a friend and companion to me through times of challenge and transition. Ten years ago, I was delighted on the occasion of her canonisation and my joy was doubled with this event being on the anniversary of the canonisation of Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus. The reason for my delight was because I have long been waiting in hope that the time would come for Saint Mary of Jesus Crucified to become better known and particularly in the English-speaking world. She already has many friends, but she could always do with more!
Other saints have come to me at significant moments of my life: Elizabeth of the Trinity since I was born on her feast day; Saint Marguerite Marie Alacoque at the time I was leaving my native France and and family of origin; Edith Stein (formally known as Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross) came to me at the time of my conversion and awakening to Carmel and Blessed Marie Eugène of the Child Jesus1 whose beatification coincided with the founding of my new Secular Carmelite community in his name at Boars Hill, Oxford.
Saint Mary of Jesus Crucified entered my life in the interval between my discovery of Edith Stein and Blessed Marie Eugène, but the significance of this was not clear to me at the time. I was introduced to Mariam in 2012 by a friend who had gone to the Haifa Carmelite monastery in the Holy Land. She heard about Mariam and sent me a booklet about her along with a Novena, an image of her along with her prayer to the Holy Spirit, and some Rosary beads. It turned out that I was to have an immediate need for all of these gifts.
At that time I was in distress, having left two jobs in quick succession. My husband could not understand why and blamed my faith for this misfortune. Simultaneously, a friend, neighbour and fellow parishioner experienced abuse in the workplace and was on sick leave. I felt utterly distraught and isolated but found solace in Mariam’s story and prayers, particularly her prayer to the Holy Spirit. I prayed for my friend’s intentions, and within months, I found employment in a hospice, and my friend recovered and found a new more favourable job.
After a few years, I felt it was time to leave as it was no longer going so well for me. I complained to my dear friend, Mariam: “you put me here, so get me out!” And on the last day of the sixth year (2018), I finished there. A few days earlier, the same friend who first introduced Mariam into my life asked if I would translate Mariam’s letters from French to English. Despite my lack of experience, I agreed. Each year, I aimed to complete the translation by Mariam’s feast day but failed. After several years of working on this text, the translation is now finally complete and is currently waiting to be published, hopefully, this year by Mariam’s feast day which is on 25 August.
I also translated parts of Mariam’s biography by her confessor, Fr Estrate, and reviewed the remaining translation by Fr John Hughes OCD. Despite setbacks, I completed my work by Christmas Eve of 2024. I had hoped to visit Fr John to ask him what Mariam meant to him but the conversation never took place as he passed away on the feast of the Epiphany, which this year was celebrated on 5 January 2025. It was not until I was talking about it with a fellow secular Carmelite that I realised that it was also Mariam’s birthday! “It seems you got your answer after all!”, said my friend. The publication of this biography is also being anticipated for the upcoming anniversary of Mariam’s canonisation.
When I finished my translation works, I pondered on what it all meant. Why is this relevant to me today as a secular Carmelite? What is Mariam’s role and purpose for me? Looking back, I feel as if I have walked with Mariam for the past thirteen years, like being on a pilgrimage and am unable to see clearly how being with her has changed me. But one thing I can say is that she has grown before my very eyes from being simply Mariam into Saint Mary of Jesus Crucified. In her lifetime, she faced numerous trials but emerged victorious, blessing God each time using the words: ‘My God, may You be blessed!’ As an instrument of divine providence, she helped establish a Carmelite foundation in Bethlehem. From the time when I started to translate her words flowing from her experience of Christ and our Lady of Carmel, I feel that I have been witnessing it all, almost unnoticed like a little speck of dust in a dark corner.
Extraordinarily gifted with mystical experiences that included receiving encouragement from Christ, our most esteemed Lady of Carmel and several saints, I can’t help but appreciate Mariam as a personal help and companion in offering my own life as a place of rest for Our Lord. In the simple nature of her sayings and advice, Mariam’s message is one that echoes the words of the Father about Christ: ‘This is my Son, listen to Him!’ (Luke 9: 35). This requires my self-emptying, a quality epitomised by Saint Mary of Jesus Crucified, whose sole desire was Christ. In fact Thérèse and Mariam both exemplified this self-emptying spirit and so inspired by them, I can strive to empty myself and follow His will. One must simply endeavour to incorporate this into one’s life with humility and a spirit of obedience, continually walking in hope towards the unseen, until we find our rest in Him. So, to return to my original question: what can I say about Saint Mary of Jesus Crucified? What does she mean to me? It is simply that she helps me to find rest in Christ.
- Blessed Marie-Eugène of the Child Jesus (Henri Grialou, 1894–1967) was a French Discalced Carmelite priest and spiritual writer. He founded the Secular Institute of Notre-Dame de Vie and was deeply devoted to spreading the Carmelite charism. Beatified in 2016, his life exemplified surrender to God’s grace and a commitment to spiritual renewal. In his I want to see God, he quotes Mariam in the chapter on humility. ↩︎
