I frequently get asked ‘what made you join your community?’ Or, ‘what made you decide to become a nun?’ I think it’s interesting that the word ‘made’ is often used here. God isn’t coercive, contrary to some perceptions of him, he is love and love always leaves one free. But this slightly facetious point aside, it is an important question and one which I have frequently reflected on, especially as my journey of discernment continues.

Firstly, one must recognise that it is God who chooses us first. He chose me before I chose him. He loved me before I loved him. He called me first. Religious life is, at the heart of it all, simply responding to this love. The initiative here is always on God, not on us.

For me, the question becomes more and more, how could I not give myself to such a love? How could I not respond with anything else other than yes?

Another important realisation was seeing my misconceptions, misunderstandings regarding religious life. Something which held me back was thinking I needed to have it together to be a religious sister. Maybe not totally perfect, but pretty close. Now I am quite convinced that God has called me to religious life precisely because I am so very imperfect! Like a parent with a sick child, or a toddler learning to take their first wobbly steps, God watches over those who are weak and little with a particular care and attention.

In my littleness, God has provided me with a beautiful community where everything helps me to wobble my little way to holiness by and through his grace and goodness. Our daily schedule or horarium which structures our life and always draws us back to prayer, sharing a house and life with other women zealous for the Lord, work which is all aimed at sharing Christ with others.

I think many fail to realise just how fulfilled, just how joy-filled one can be in the religious life. Here, I belong totally to him, with a singleness of purpose, and what a great joy that is. He is my spouse, my husband, and all I do is done under a gaze of such love and longing. Being a religious isn’t doing God some kind of favour, it is a privilege, an honour and a call one can never be worthy of. It is a gift to be accepted humbly and gratefully and my prayer is always that more people will discover the gift of religious life, the gift and joy of belonging wholly to God.

I am wholly his, and he is wholly mine.